


like a best friend but more

by shewitches



Series: what's a soulmate? [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Honestly they're so cute boy I die, Maryse is Terrible, Pre-Canon, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:31:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewitches/pseuds/shewitches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s barely awake when she sees the careful, intricate design on her arm. It looks more focused than the stars she saw before. Like the person on the other end is trying to create something beautiful, even if the design doesn’t look like anything Isabelle’s ever seen. There are sharp lines that look too deliberate to be the workings of someone who’s just doodling and Isabelle finds a comfort in watching the design appear on her arm. She wishes she could keep it.</p><p>She still hasn’t written anything back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a best friend but more

**Author's Note:**

> izzy's pov is hurtful to dive into. maryse is pretty terrible to isabelle (based on my own headcanons) so be wary of that. soulmate au where anything your soulmate draws/writes on their skin, you can see. this is set in the shadowhunters TV universe & the original post about this type of soulmate au can be found on tumblr [here.](http://let-gavin-free.tumblr.com/post/117673589548/soulmate-au-where-when-you-write-something-on-your)
> 
> enjoy! this is my first time writing clary/izzy, or even writing in the shadowhunters universe. be gentle with me.
> 
> any mistakes are my own. i don't own these characters, this universe or this au. the title is from dawson's creek. please don't sue me.

Soulmate. It’s a heavy word. She asks her mom about soulmates when she’s seven and her mom shrugs, saying that she never had anything written on her arm. The admission makes her feel uneasy – as if she can’t imagine a universe where her parents aren’t soulmates. Her dad says that his soulmate is still out there somewhere. He spins a story about how his soulmate used to practice drawing runes and he would see them. He looks sad and something in Isabelle aches.

It starts with a row of stars on her forearm. 

She’s eleven when it happens and it’s so subtle that she barely notices. 

Alec looks at her as if she has three heads and Jace just rolls his eyes. 

_Brothers._  


Shadowhunters are trained to be soldiers from a young age. Isabelle Lightwood knows this. She knows the weight of the family name by now. She knows it the way she knows the difference between her runes and the way a seraph blade feels in her hand. She was a shadowhunter before she was anything else. It isn’t that she hates being a shadowhunter. It’s that she hates what it means. She hates that her brother looks as though he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. _Heavy is the head that wears the crown._ She hates the way that shadowhunters talk about downworlders. Her mother spits words like warlock, werewolf, seelie and vampire at them as if they’re poison. As if they’re somehow lesser beings because they don’t have angel blood.

The dark stars on her arm, albeit temporary, are a nice anchor for her. 

A nice reminder that there was life outside of the institute. 

**  
She hates the way that her mother says her name. 

_Isabelle_ , her mother sighs, as if saying her name is a chore. As if being her mother is a chore.  
_Isabelle_ , her mother spits, as if her name is a curse. As if she was cursed with having Isabelle as a daughter. 

_Isabelle, Isabelle, Isabelle._  
How many times could her name be turned into a curse? 

**  
She’s barely awake when she sees the careful, intricate design on her arm. It looks more focused than the stars she saw before. Like the person on the other end is trying to create something beautiful, even if the design doesn’t look like anything Isabelle’s ever seen. There are sharp lines that look too deliberate to be the workings of someone who’s just doodling and Isabelle finds a comfort in watching the design appear on her arm. She wishes she could keep it.

She still hasn’t written anything back.

**  
Her first time having a rune is supposed to be exciting. 

Alec looks proud of her every time she pins Jace against the mats in the institute. He looks even more proud when she manages to knock him on his ass in ten seconds flat. She swears it’s the first time he’s smiled in months. 

When Alec hands her stele to her as if it’s a big ceremonial moment, she hesitates.

“Wait – “ 

“Iz?” He questions, his expression soft. _Iz. Not Isabelle._ He doesn’t say her name like a curse and she’s more thankful for that than she is for the fact that she finally feels like a shadowhunter. 

“Just give me a second, big brother.” 

She doesn’t want the first thing that her soulmate sees on their skin to be a rune. 

She wants it to mean something more than that.

She might be panicking a little. 

She settles for drawing a design with stars and flowers on her arm that looks childish in comparison to the intricate designs that were left on her arm. It seems ridiculous to her after she does it.

When she draws the rune on her shoulder, biting at her lower lip in concentration, she can feel Alec staring at her.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She says with a glare, hoping that she sounds more confident than she feels. She feels unsteady, as if she just crossed a line that she can’t uncross. 

She could end up like her parents. Unhappy. 

“Not saying a word.” Alec replies, a hint of a laugh in his voice. 

_Brothers._

** 

In and out, each day is the same. 

She eats breakfast with Alec and Jace, tossing stories back and forth about demon activity in a way that other people would talk about TV shows or books they love. They’re happiest when they’re together, working side by side. Her and Alec fall to the sides by Jace, both of them ready to lay down their lives for him if they need to. When Jace ends up hurt, both her and Alec feel guilty. They both blame themselves, even though Jace tells them time and time again that he’s fine and that it was his fault.

The problem is that their mother disagrees.

They both get a lecture about how they need to be more careful with Jace. About how they need to focus more, train harder, be better. Their mother ends up at Jace’s bedside, looking at Jace as if he’s the most important person in the room.

Alec looks at her like he’s begging to say something. He always looks like he’s one step away from an apology – like everything’s his fault. 

Messy handwriting appears on her palm. _Eggs, strawberries, milk._ It’s barely legible and Isabelle smiles to herself. Minutes later, the words _sorry, I forgot my paper_ appears. 

The heavy feeling in her stomach lifts as she crosses her arms over her chest.  
**  
There are things that Lightwoods don’t talk about. 

It’s an unspoken rule that they never talk about the ease that surrounds the institute when her parents are gone. Maybe Jace and Alec don’t feel the same way she does. She feels tense when her mother is around, as if she’s always ready to recoil when her mother says something to her. 

Jace is gold. Alec is silver. She’s something less important or rare when her mother’s around. 

A weight lifts when her parents are gone and she feels more like herself. Like diamonds or rubies instead of something disposable and forgotten.  
**  
When Alec tells her that he’s gay, things click into place for her. A part of her suspected but said nothing, despite reassuring him that he could talk to her about anything. He looks terrified when he tells her, like he’s waiting for her to throw him out of her room or disown him as her brother. She softens and hugs him, even if the positioning is awkward given that they’re sitting at the end of her bed and she hates genetics for making him so much taller than her. 

Alec looks five years younger when she pulls away from him. 

“I have your back, _hermano_. Always. “ 

Alec’s smile is radiant and it matches the one she gives him. 

She knows it’s more complicated than telling him that everything’s going to be okay. There’s a reason that Alec was terrified to tell her – her, his little sister. Just like there’s a reason he hasn’t told Jace. They don’t talk about that. In her room, they’re safe from the rest of the world.  
**  
When Alec leaves her room, he looks happier and Isabelle feels better than she has in weeks. 

There’s a marker, pen and extra stele on the table by her bed. Each serve their own purpose. Tonight, she grabs the marker. Hesitation floods her for a second, unsure of where the sudden need to talk is. They’ve done perfectly fine with just a few conversations. Still, she feels unstoppable in that moment. 

_Do you have a brother?_ She writes, taking a breath as she waits for a response. 

She goes through her nightly routine as she waits. Washing her face, brushing her teeth, throwing her hair up in a messy bun, putting lotion over the faint scars that now litter her skin. God, she hated those scars. 

_No, just a best friend. He’s like a brother. You?_

It’s written on her skin, etched there and all she can do is blink. It feels too normal, despite the entire situation being abnormal. She waits for the inevitable demon attack or sibling drama. When no one comes storming into her room, she sits on her bed and begins to write. 

_Three. One older, one around the same ages as me and then a younger brother._

She isn’t sure why she specifies. It’s not like they asked or even really cared. A feeling of panic settles in her chest before she can stop it. She doesn’t hesitate before lifting the marker to scribble _Do you draw all the time?_ a few spaces underneath the message about her brothers.

She misses the drawings. She still remembers the warmth she felt when she saw the messy stars drawn on her arm. 

_Not usually on my skin._ Isabelle laughs at that. _But, yeah. My mom’s an artist too._

Something akin to jealousy settles in her stomach. She wishes she had an artist for a mom. 

She realizes that she’s been quiet for too long when more writing appears on her skin. _You’re always drawing though._

Confusion makes her brows furrow and she stops. Right. Runes. 

_They’re just doodles._ She lies. Lying to your soulmate can’t be good, right? _I like the ones you draw._

The admission feels too open, especially when she can’t be honest about the reason behind why the person she’s meant to spend her life with is constantly having drawings on them. 

_I like yours. My mom almost had a panic attack because she thought I got a tattoo or something._

Laughter bubbles up in her chest at that. The irony of it was funny, given that they were basically like tattoos for Isabelle. She wore them with pride the same way she would wear random doodles from another person. 

_My bad. Your mom sounds cool though._

_She is. She’s my best friend. Don’t tell my best friend I said that._

A warm smile spreads on her lips and she isn’t sure what part of the sentence to reply to first. 

She falls asleep a few minutes later, marker in hand. 

**  
When her parents come back from Idris, the semblance of peace in the institute fades away. 

Alec looks like he’s ready to fight a hoard of demons and Isabelle feels sick to her stomach. 

Jace is the only one that looks remotely happy to see them and a bitter part of Isabelle grimaces at the sight of her mom hugging Jace. 

_Not fair_ , her brain supplies.  
_Don’t care,_ her heart answers. 

The only shining light is Max.

Max who has a smile like sunshine, Max that makes her feel like a whole person, Max that makes her happy to be a Lightwood. He hugs Alec first but practically jumps on her, wrapping his tiny arms around her neck. She squeezes him tight until he protests, telling her that he wants to study up on his runes. She laughs and ignores the protest that’s practically begging to leave her mother’s mouth. 

“This one?” She asks, holding up a card with the stamina rune. 

“Stamina. I’ve known that one for years, Izzy.” _Izzy. Not Isabelle. Izzy._

“Okay, okay.” She laughs, holding up the courage one. 

Max hesitates and scrunches up his face in the most adorable way. “Courage.” He replies finally, a smug look on her face that reminds her _so much_ of Jace. 

“Good.” She moves to flip up the next card when Max moves, always eager to explore her room. Instead of going for her vanity or her closet, he settles on the nightstand that has her stele and her marker. 

“Can I draw some, Izzy?” He’s pouting at her and she wants to say yes so badly it hurts. 

“With the marker, not the stele. C’mere.” She pats the spot on her bed, waiting for him to jump up and join her. 

He grabs her arm and begins to draw the beginnings of a rune on her arm. It’s messy and nowhere near perfect. He messes up and moves to a different spot on her arm, biting his lip in concentration as he does. He looks so much like her when he does it that warmth settles in her chest. She has a happy place again when Max is around.

**

She isn’t expecting them to say anything. 

_You were drawing again today._  


She wants to feel bad, really. Her arms were covered in messy rune drawings and a drawing of a dog that Max had really wanted her to see that he could do. She doesn’t feel bad. 

_My little brother. Never give a kid a marker._

_Tell him I said he draws a really good dog._

Isabelle laughs so loud that she’s sure Jace and Alec can hear her.

**

She’s in the middle of a lecture when she feels the all too familiar feeling of writing appearing on her. It’s on the top of her hand, starting with just a circle. It isn’t as intricate as she’s used to. 

“Isabelle – are you listening to me?” Her mother asks and it’s a mixture of tired and angry. It’s actually pretty impressive. 

“Yeah.” She feels small. She feels as if the world is closing in on her and all she wants is to find an escape. She’s sure she hears the words _disappointed_ and _downworlders_ somewhere in her mother’s weekly rant about whatever Isabelle did wrong. There’s a rant on her tongue about how she’d rather be around downworlders than most shadowhunters but she stops herself, dark eyes falling to the drawing on her hand. 

It isn’t just a circle anymore. There are lines sticking out of it and a smiley face inside of it. It’s a sun with a smiley face. 

Isabelle wants to cry. 

Not because her mother is ranting about the family honor or because she feels like dirt on the bottom of someone’s shoe – but because there’s a sun on her hand. In contrast to the intricate runes that litter her skin, it looks soft. It makes her feel softer. It makes her feel hopeful. She runs her fingers over it and it makes her feel better. 

It makes her feel alive. 

** 

“What do you guys even talk about?” Jace asks, mouth full of cereal. 

“You guys. Art.” She pauses, shrugging her shoulders. “Nothing really.” 

Alec looks uncomfortable. Jace looks smug. 

She rolls her eyes and waits for Jace to leave the kitchen, her eyes falling on Alec again. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, voice quiet. 

“Do you think it’s weird that I don’t have a soulmate?” He sounds like he’s ten again, not legally an adult. 

“ _Alec._ ” Despite wanting to smack the back of his head for the stupid comment, she refrains. “You have one.” 

“Mom doesn’t.” He replies and it reminds her of the _anything you can do, I can do better_ argument from her fifth birthday. 

“Mom is --“ Izzy stops herself, taking a breath. “You’re not her. You’re too good not to have a soulmate.” 

“So you don’t think it’s weird that I’ve never had anything show up on me?” 

She’s already shaking her head. “Have you tried writing anything to him?” 

She says _him_ instead of _them_ and it makes Alec’s cheeks flush a shade of pink. _Brothers._

“I wouldn’t know what to say, Iz.” 

“Sorry for all the runes?” She supplies, making them both laugh. 

Jace looks confused when he walks back in the room and it only makes them both laugh louder. 

**

She wakes up with a sunflower drawn on her hand. It’s colored in and beautiful enough that it takes her breath away. She smiles to herself, happy to remain in a happy bubble where things are good. 

She draws what she hopes looks like a rose and a heart without questioning it. 

** 

In all of the stories she heard about people finding out about their soulmates, none of them ever talked about the awkwardness of actually meeting them. All of the people she knew that had met their soulmate had talked about it like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

Isabelle, however, disagrees. 

She’s happy living in this bubble. She likes the bubble. The bubble has sunflower drawings and late night conversations about brothers and best friends and moms. The bubble is nice and she doesn’t want to pop it. 

In the bubble, she isn’t a shadowhunter. 

In the bubble, she isn’t even a Lightwood. 

She isn’t bound by duty or worried about the next demon attack.

_She’s just a girl._

Alec looks at her like he understands and she catches him staring at his arm a few times. Every time, he looks years younger. 

She doesn’t want to pop the bubble. 

**

_You okay?_

The message comes randomly and like most messages, it makes her smile. 

_Always. Why?_

_You’ve been quiet._

She hates unscheduled plans to Idris. They always added more stress to everything, despite being a beautiful place. Everyone in Idris is on edge and no one knows how to take a joke. Her mother included. 

_Family stuff. What’s new with you?_

They talk about everything in vague terms but it feels like the most honest conversation Isabelle’s had in months. She gets a novel length story about a best friend, art school applications and a fight. 

_You fought with your mom?_

A strange amount of protectiveness settles inside of her, tension making her feel like a coiled spring. 

_Stupid stuff. She’s not dealing with me turning 18 well._

It sounds so simple and normal that she feels ridiculous for being so tense. 

She draws a heart on her arm and colors it in.

**

Fighting demons was one thing. Stalking them and using how attractive she was to lure them in was another. _Demons dig blondes._

She wishes she wasn’t so excited about a demon hunt. Though, she isn’t as excited as Jace is. Despite the fact that they were all tense and ready for a fight, Jace was talking a mile a minute. They’re a good team. Alec and Jace were practically programmed to be a good team but the three of them – they move together well. They’ve fought together enough to know each other’s movements. It’s like dancing. It feels like art. 

She runs her thumb over the drawing of a bird on her wrist. It’s a habit now. 

The problem with having a routine is that they get comfortable or cocky. They forget how easily things can be thrown off balance when other people are thrown into the mix. They’re always prepared for more demons or demons with intense powers. They have each other’s backs. What they’re almost never prepared for is another shadowhunter getting in the way.

Especially one that doesn’t look like she’s ever touched a seraph blade or even seen a demon in her life. 

( She has to be a shadowhunter, right? )

Her happiness from being on a hunt and being in a club is pretty short lived.

**  
She can’t really explain it. She tries to tell Alec that she feels different after the hunt tonight but he just shrugs and gives her a hug goodnight. He looks like he’s about to have a heart attack as he tries to figure out how to explain their failed mission to the clave. She feels like the world is finally spinning the right way. Maybe it was just the adrenaline rush or the energy she still had. Whatever it was, she liked the feeling. 

** 

“Ow.” 

She’s bound to have a headache after that. Really, she should’ve known better than to sit so close to someone when they’re sleeping. Especially someone that looked like they were having a nightmare.  
The bird on her wrist is gone and she can’t help but miss it.

“Wait – I don’t know you – “ 

“I’m Isabelle.” 

It’s a lot to explain. She tries, really, but she can’t stop smiling the entire time. 

She’s pretty sure that the girl – Clary – thinks she’s laughing at her. Really, she’s just happy that things are different. It wasn’t the same cycle of demon hunting and reporting back to their parents. Clary looks terrified and Isabelle feels drawn to her, like it’s her job to help her. 

** 

She pretends not to notice that when Clary gets a rune drawn on her, it shows up on her skin too.


End file.
